


Jasper's Halloween Party

by lola381pce



Series: Imagine Clint Coulson Prompts [17]
Category: Marv - Fandom, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Clint Really Loves Halloween, Cross-Posted on Tumblr, Halloween, Halloween Costumes, ICC Halloween Week, Imagine ClintCoulson, Jasper's Halloween Party, M/M, Natasha Is a Good Bro, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Phil Really Hates Halloween, Phil Tazes Stinky Pete's Balls, Toy Story References, Tumblr Prompt, Tumblr: imagineclintcoulson
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-25
Updated: 2017-10-25
Packaged: 2019-01-23 03:52:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12498140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lola381pce/pseuds/lola381pce
Summary: For an Imagine ClintCoulson prompt by AnonymousOK FUCK YEAH HALLOWEEN PROMPT: CLINT IS FUCKIN SUPER INTO HALLOWEEN BUT PHIL DOESNT KNOW AND ISNT INTO IT AT ALL AND TALKS SHIT ABT IT AND CLINT GETS ALL INSECURE AND MOPEY AND THEN PHIL FINDS OUT WHY HES SAD AND ITS CUTE AND SHIT. SORRY IF I SWEAR A LOT BUT!!! I RLY LIKE HALLOWEEN TOO LMAO





	Jasper's Halloween Party

**Author's Note:**

> We are always accepting new prompts at our tumblr account, so feel free to drop by with a little headcanon or ask.

“Are we doing a couple’s thing or individual ones?”

Phil looks up from his paperwork and frowns. The frown is in place for several reasons: he has no idea what Clint’s talking about and he has no idea how Clint can review his AAR in the position he’s in on the couch (upside down with his back on the seat cushions, his legs on the back cushions).

“Couples or individual what?”

Clint drops his head back to stare at Phil who looks odd from this angle. Even with that cute triangle of creases above his nose. Odd but still sexy though.

“Costumes? Jaz’s party?”

The frown deepens.

“Jaz’s _Halloween_ party?”

“Oh. Not going,” Phil replies and returns to his paperwork.

Now it’s Clint’s turn to wrinkle his nose in confusion. “Whaddaya mean?”

Without raising his head, Phil says disinterestedly, “Not a big fan. Halloween’s when people act like dicks and everything smells like toffee apples, and candy corn, and… not surprisingly, puke. Everyone assumes I’ll dress up as Captain America. I haven’t had a Captain America costume since I was twelve. Or, even more fun, they make it their personal mission to try and scare me and think they can get away with cuz… Halloween. Although that seems to have stopped since the year I tazed three agents and hospitalised a fourth. I’m not a kid anymore, Clint. I don’t do Halloween so… not going.”

“Oh.”

Clint goes quiet at Phil’s offhand dismissal. He _loves_ Halloween. He loves when kids come knocking on his apartment door and he gets to see how awesome their costumes are before giving them handfuls of Halloween candy. He loves when grown-ups revert to being kids again and just let go to have fun. He loves the whole haunted house and gross shit that Jaz does with peeled lychees for eyeballs in a bowl, and cold jello for a plate of brains, and carrots shaped like fingers (or dicks sometimes). Then there’s all the [special Halloween food](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O4bGpVWuwCo) he makes like stuffed pizza skulls, and alien devilled eggs, and spooky bat pasta soup. And the way he decorates his apartment with spiderwebs, and skeletons, and weird lighting and noises. Say what you want about Jasper Sitwell but the guy goes all out for Halloween.

Clint didn’t get the chance to do any of that when he was a kid. His old man was too much of a mean drunk for kids to come to their house or let him and Barney go to their neighbours; the orphanage didn’t exactly have the money to throw away on parties; the other kids in the foster homes would steal his and Barney’s candy if they were allowed out; and the circus… well, the circus was plain superstitious about it.

Yeah, he loves Halloween. But he loves Phil too and doesn’t want to make a big deal out of it so he doesn’t say anything. Just sits there and mopes feeling insecure and just a little stupid.

The next time Phil looks up an hour or so later (oops! Make that nearer three) to ask Clint a question, the couch is empty. Huh. He shrugs and drops his gaze again.

And then it dawns on him. Clint didn’t have the kind of childhood in Wisconsin he had where he carved pumpkins with his dad, or his mom made him a Captain America costume for the umpteenth time, or he knocked on his neighbours’ doors for Halloween candy and pumpkin lemonade with his friends. Of course Clint wanted to go out and celebrate and have fun and be the big kid he never had the opportunity to be when he was a little kid.

Wow! Is he an insensitive ass!

He picks up his cell phone and calls the one person who can help. It’s not answered until after the third ring; apparently, he has some grovelling to do.

“Tasha? I fucked up… big time.”

Angry silence. Crap!

“I need to make this right.”

More silence, although it seems to have reduced in its intensity a little.

“Will you help me?”

“Why should I do this?” Natasha’s voice is hard and cold. She’s pissed at him and rightly so. He doesn’t gulp but it’s a near thing. One does not piss off The Black Widow without consequences and he’s not only hurt his boyfriend, he’s pissed off his boyfriend’s BFF.

“Because I’m an idiot…”

“That’s one word.”

“… and I need to make it up to Clint.” He knows she’ll do it for Clint if not for him. Sneaky tactic but he’s desperate. He’ll take whatever the consequences she deems fit later. If only he knew.

“Very well. He’s been all mopey and sad for the last two hours. You have a lot of making up to do.”

“What’s his costume for Jaz’s party? And… is it a couple’s thing?”

Phil swears he can hear the smirk forming on her face. “Jaz has picked ‘Toy Story 2’ for this year’s theme and Clint is going as Sheriff Woody. And yes, it’s a couple’s thing.”

That’s not so bad, Phil thinks to himself. He can be Buzz Lightyear.

“Buzz has now gone.” There’s a definite hint of amusement in her tone. Double crap! Phil racks his brain. If it’s a couple’s costume then that leaves…

He sighs. “Seriously?”

“See you tonight, Phil,” laughs Natasha and hangs up on him.

***

“Well fuck me!” Jaz, or rather, Rex the Green Dinosaur gasps when he opens the door.

“I have several tasers hidden about my person and trust me… I am motivated to use them,” Phil tells him with an inscrutable look on his face.

“Well, come in. You look…”

“ _Very_. Motivated.”

Jasper laughs and holds up his hands in a placating gesture. “You know Buzz Lightyear was still available, right?”

Phil gives him a look as mean as a rattlesnake. Fucking Natasha! Believing someone had already picked the Space Ranger, he’s dressed as Woody’s partner, Jessie the Yodelling Cowgirl and looks the part… from the tight cowhide pants to the rosy red cheeks, freckled nose and a red woollen platted pigtail sticking out from under his hat.

“Don’t just stand there looking like a sad-sac. Get in here, man. Let’s see if we can’t find the other half of your costume. Hey, Sheriff Woody,” Sitwell yells. “Got you a little playmate.”

Phil rolls his eyes and follows him into the apartment to a chorus of wolf whistles and clapping. Phillip J Coulson, senior agent and consummate badass, has walked into SHIELD HQ without a stitch on, his head held high and a swagger in his step however right now he’s never felt more naked.

Waiting for Clint to come to his rescue, Phil stands beside Zurg aka Nick Fury, Director of SHIELD - he didn’t even know Nick attended Jaz’s parties - pretending not to feel Fury giving him a slow head to toe perusal. He can’t close his ears against the barely disguised sniggering, however.

“So, Barton’s actually managed to yank that stick out from up your ass,” Fury/Zurg tells him.

Before he can respond, Phil’s eyebrow rise up slightly as he feels a hand taking a firm grip of his right buttock and hears a lewd voice in his ear, “Well, hey Jessie. I got a snake in my pants…”

He turns to look at the hand’s owner whose eyes just about pop out of his head realising it’s not some hot chick but the aforementioned senior agent.

“Yee-haw,” Phil deadpans before tazing John Garrett/Stinky Pete in the balls. Fury almost chokes on his drink as Garrett collapses in a twitching heap on the floor.

“Hey, Phil. You’re here,” Clint says with a huge grin stepping over the drooling, misogynistic dick on the floor. “And you look so… fierce.”

“I’m sorry I was such an asshole,” Phil tells him pressing his forehead against Clint’s, not easy with them both wearing hats.

“You were,” Clint agrees. “But I love that you came for me.”

“Always.”

“Hey! Hey! I have not had enough to drink to see this shit,” Fury grumbles as he stalks off with a haughty flick of his cape. Both of them snort and watch him go.

“Wait until Nat gets a look at you.”

“Somehow I don’t think she’ll be too surprised,” Phil replies dryly. “Where is she anyhow?”

Clint nods over Phil’s shoulder. “Over there.”

Phil turns to see Mr and Mrs Potato Head waving back at him. He smirks.

“She and Maria are looking particularly fetching this evening. Maybe we should make this a thing at SHIELD.”

“See! _Knew_ you’d love Halloween if you gave it a try.”

 

***

 

Later that night back at his apartment Clint’s pressing his body against Phil’s as he murmurs into his ear, “Hey Jessie, I got a snake in my pants.”

Phil snorts. “Last person that told me that was tazed in the nuts.”

Clint drops his pants with a grin and says, “Yeah? Well, mine has your name on it.”

Phil raises his eyebrow and looks down. Sure enough, in purple food dye (courtesy of Sitwell) are the letters PHIL written across his cock.

He smiles and slowly sinks to his knees. “Yee-haw. Let’s see if I can’t make your woody say PHILLIP, shall we?”

**Author's Note:**

> I had to fill this prompt which appeared about 30 seconds after the Halloween announcement was made! Their enthusiasm for Halloween was fantastic! Clint would have been proud! 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed! Feel free to leave a comment - it's good to know what you think.


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